If anyone were to ask me when I became Muslim, I guess the
only feasible answer would be that I was born Muslim, but just wasn't aware of
it. We are all born into a state of Islam, but what is unfortunate is that many
people never recognize this fact, and live lost in other circles of religion and
lifestyles. I was horribly lost, and I suppose this was a good thing, because
Allah felt my suffering and reached out to me. (al humd dulilah)
My
first introduction to Islam was through a course at the University where during
Ramadan we were invited to Juma prayer. It was here where I met a wonderful
Muslim sister who invited me to her home for study and food. I declined at the
time because it seemed too foreign to me. I had built up so many stereotypes
that I was not willing to open my mind to anything surrounding Islam, even an
invitation to knowledge. The next message Allah sent me came by my friendship
with several Arab Muslims at one of the Technical Colleges near my home. This is
where I was exposed to the Islamic lifestyle. I was amazed at the fact that they
refused invitations to wild parties and drinking alcohol. How could they sit and
pray so many times a day. And fasting for a whole month, what had gotten into
these people? From that point forward, I thought I was the American authority on
Islam. But in actuality I knew nothing. The height of my confusion hit at this
point. I was an observer, but never had any understanding of what it all meant.
So, when I became a Muslim it was like Allah found me and gave me the
answers to all the confusion that ran around in my head. It is so mind boggling
to me that I was oblivious to the fact that I was so miserable. I was successful
in the material aspects of life, but my mind and heart were uneasy. I was so
weak in spirit that I tricked myself in believing that the material things that
laid at my feet, were enough to cushion any hurtful blow that life dealt me. I
was wrong. My mother died when I was 23, and all the money, my home, my
education, the cars, jewelry, they all meant nothing. I tried to go on with life
as though her death was just another event. But it was at this point that I
could no longer ignore Allah. If I went on in my current state of mind, then my
mother's life had been in vain. What purpose did she serve here on this earth?
To what greater significance did her life have in this world? I could not
believe that she meant so little. It was at this point that I began to hunger
for this knowledge, and I opened all of myself to Allah.
It is almost
too difficult to describe what it is like for someone who begins to feel Allah
in their heart. Islam means so much more than rituals, language, culture or
country. Islam is a glorious state of being, and it is a fundamentally different
experience than what I had previously been learning. My husband taught me much
of what I know about Islam today. While observing, listening and opening my
heart, I slowly began to understand. Allah presents himself to people in
different ways, and Allah impacts everyone's life differently. I had to come to
an understanding of what Allah meant to me, and why it was necessary that I
follow this path of life. I began to learn the meaning and significance behind
the rituals I had only before observed at a primitive level. I began to read
Koran for hours at a time. Allah began to reach out to me and fill the vast hole
that was in my heart. For when an individual does not follow the path of Allah,
they are in a constant search for that missing element. And once I stopped
refusing the knowledge of Islam and opened my heart to my fellow Muslims and the
teachings of the Koran, the transition was as easy as eating a piece of pecan
pie.
Since then I have had contact with the original Muslim sister who I
met in my university class. Many of the Muslim sisters get together once a month
for study, prayer and informational sessions. I also visit the Masghed during
Juma prayers and any other time that my schedule permits. Of course my husband
and myself study Koran and Hadith, and are on a constant quest for knowledge.
When you become a Muslim it is the beginning of a new path, a new way of life.
Everyday Allah reveals himself to me in some way. Sometimes it is with a new
piece of knowledge, or maybe he grants me patience or understanding, and some
days it is perseverance or a peaceful state of mind. No matter what the case I
am always aware of the blessings that Allah presents to me, and I continuously
work to live the way he has intended all of us as human beings to live, in
submission to his will.
I have also struggled throughout this search. My
family is not accepting of my new way of life, nor are they accepting of my
husband. I had a co-worker ask me one time, "How can you abandon Jesus, I love
Jesus?" My response confused her I am sure. I simply explained that in Islam we
abandon nobody. And in fact it is only now that I can read and understand the
true significance of Jesus. Islam allows the follower to study the messages that
Allah has sent throughout the ages, through the teachings of Jesus, Abraham and
Mohammed. (Peace and Blessings be upon them) Because of this fact, as Muslims,
knowledge is never hidden from us, and we are free in our search for truth and
closeness to Allah.
My struggle is far from over. Western culture is not
accepting or understanding of Islam, and it is mostly out of ignorance that this
is so. They think that we are fundamentalists or terrorists, or some other form
of monster here to wreak havoc in a peaceful Christian world. The way in which I
combat the unkind comments and glares is through kindness and understanding. I
remember a point when my understanding was so low that I closed my mind and
heart to anything that the Muslim community had to say. And to think that if
they had turned me away because of my ignorance, I would not be where I am
today. So it is up to all Muslims to have patience and compassion for those who
do not understand our way of life. Eventually Allah reveals himself to those who
seek true knowledge and understanding.
February 27, 1997
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