May 2, 1996. Ever since I can remember, my
family attended a non-denominational conservative Christian church (Church of
Christ). I grew up in the church, taught bible school and sang in the choir. As
a young teenager I began asking questions (as I think everyone does at one point
in their lives): Why was I a member of the Church of Christ and not say
Lutheran, Catholic or Methodist? If various churches are teaching conflicting
doctrine, how do we know which one is right? Are they all right? Do `all paths
lead to God' as I had heard some say? Others say that as long as you are a good
person it doesn't matter what you believe - is that true?
After some
soul searching I decided that I did believe that there was an ultimate truth and
in an attempt to find that truth I began a comparison study of various churches.
I decided that I believed in the Bible and would join the church that best
followed the Bible. After a lengthy study, I decided to stay with the Church of
Christ, satisfied that its doctrines were biblically sound (unaware at this
stage that there could be various interpretations of the Bible).
I spent
a year at Michigan Christian College, a small college affiliated with the
Churches of Christ, but was not challenged academically and so transferred to
Western Michigan University. Having applied late for student housing, I was
placed in the international dorm. Although my roommate was American, I felt
surrounded by strange people from strange places. It was in fact my first real
experience with cultural diversity and it scared me (having been raised in a
white, middle class, Christian community). I wanted to change dorms but there
wasn't anything available. I did really like my roommate and decided to stick
out the semester.
My roommate became very involved in the dorm
activities and got to know most everyone in the dorm. I however performed with
the marching band and spent most of my time with band people. Marching season
soon ended and finding myself with time on my hands, I joined my roommate on her
adventures around the dorm. It turned out to be a wonderful, fascinating
experience! There were a large number of Arab men living in the dorm. They were
charming, handsome, and a lot of fun to be around. My roommate started dating
one of them and we ended up spending most of our time with the Arabs. I guess I
knew they were Muslims (although very few of them were practicing). We never
really discussed religion, we were just having fun.
The year passed and
I had started seeing one of the Arabs. Again, we were just enjoying each other's
company and never discussed our religious differences. Neither of us were
practicing at this time so it never really became an issue for us. I did, deep
down, feel guilty for not attending church, but I pushed it in the back of my
mind. I was having too much fun.
Another year passed and I was home for
summer vacation when my roommate called me with some very distressing news:
she'd become a Muslim!! I was horrified. She didn't tell me why she converted,
just that she had spent a lot of time talking with her boyfriend's brother and
it all made sense to her. After we hung up, I immediately wrote her a long
letter explaining that she was ruining her life and to just give Christianity
one more chance. That same summer my boyfriend transferred to Azusa Pacific
University in California. We decided to get married and move to California
together. Again, since neither one were practicing, religion was not discussed.
Secretly I started reading books on Islam. However I read books that
were written by non-Muslims. One of the books I read was Islam Revealed by Anis
Sorosh. I felt guilty about my friend's conversion. I felt that if I had been a
better Christian, she would have turned to the church rather than Islam. Islam
was a man-made religion, I believed, and filled with contradictions. After
reading Sorosh's book, I thought I could convert my friend and my husband to
Christianity.
At APU, my husband was required to take a few religion
courses. One day he came home from class and said: "The more I learn about
Christianity, the stronger my belief in Islam becomes." At about this same time
he started showing signs of wanting to practice his religion again. Our problems
began. We started talking about religion and arguing about our different
beliefs. He told me I should learn about Islam and I told him I already knew
everything I needed to know. I got out Sorosh's book and told him I could never
believe in Islam. My husband is not a scholar by any stretch of the imagination,
yet he had an answer for everything I showed him in Sorosh's book. I was
impressed by his knowledge. He told me that if I really wanted to learn about
Islam it must be through Islamic sources. He bought a few books for me from an
Islamic bookstore and I started taking classes at a local mosque. What a
difference the Islam I learned about from Muslim sources from the Islam I
learned about from non-Muslims!
It was so difficult though when I
actually decided to convert. My pride stood in the way for awhile. How could I
admit to my husband and my friend that they were right all along? I felt
humiliated, embarrassed. Soon though, I could deny the truth no longer,
swallowed my pride, and alhamdulilah, embraced Islam - the best decision I ever
made.
A few things I want to say to the non-Muslim reader:
When
I originally began my search for the truth all those years ago, I made a few
wrong assumptions. First, I assumed that the truth is with Christianity only. It
never occurred to me at that time to look outside Christianity. Second, I
assumed that the Bible was the true Word of God. These were bad assumptions
because they prohibited me from looking at things objectively. When I began my
earnest study of Islam, I had to start at the very beginning, with no
preconceived ideas. I was not a Christian looking at Islam; I looked at both
Islam and Christianity (and many other religions) from the point of view of an
outsider. My advice to you is to be a critical thinker and a critical reader.
Another mistake that many people make when talking about Islam is that they
pick out a certain teaching and judge the whole of Islam on that one point. For
example, many people say that Islam is prejudiced towards women because Islamic
laws of inheritance award the male twice as much as the female. What they fail
to learn, however, is that males have financial responsibilities in Islam that
females do not have. It is like putting a puzzle together: until you have all
the pieces in the right places, you cannot make a statement about the picture,
you cannot look at one little piece of the puzzle and judge the whole picture.
Many people said that the only reason I converted was because of my husband.
It is true that I studied Islam because he asked me to - but I accepted Islam
because it is the truth. My husband and I are currently separated and plan to
divorce in June, insha' Allah. My faith in Islam has never been stronger than it
is now. I look forward to finding a practicing Muslim husband, insha' Allah, and
growing in my faith and practice. Being a good Muslim is my number one priority.
May Allah lead all of us closer to the
truth.
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